Tired of the talking heads

I'm exhausted. I really am. I'm experiencing disenfranchised-group-fatigue (DGF). I could hang in there with the best of them when Hillary Clinton was berated for having a vagina, when Sarah Palin's decision to run for high office was automatically made her a bad mother because she had a bunch of kids, when Barack Obama was called unAmerican because his middle name is Hussein and conservatives insisted he was a secret Muslim but really...I'm just over it. I'm so over it that during the last couple of days I've been unable to watch CNN or MSNBC since it's all Sotomayor bashing all the time.

OK...I get it. Perhaps people are uncomfortable because there are some nonwhites in high ranking places. I understand that there are a great many people who want to protect their "way of life," but doesn't it ever just get old?

I keep hearing people bring up the "wise Latina" comment as if it was poor judgment or a misuse of language. And I'm sick of hearing about "bias." As if minority groups are the only people in this country who hold biases.

So let me get this straight...For most of the history of this country, our laws were written by white men, most voters were white men, our presidents were all white men, most of the Supreme Court Justices were white men. During this history, who seems to have benefited the most from the laws of the land? Ummm...White men! Talk about biases. So why exactly should I entrust the destiny of this country into the hands of the very people who have historically oppressed every group but their own? Oh. That's right. Because they are the all mighty, wise, white men.

I don't have anything against white men. But I think that if we're going to talk about race or ethnicity "clouding" judgment all groups should get the same treatment. Could you imagine Chief Justice John Roberts ever answering questions about his whiteness the way Sotomayor has been asked about her Latinaness? It doesn't happen because we tend to think of whiteness as mainstream, something that is in while all else is out.

So for now, I'm avoiding television, because quite frankly, I've heard enough about affirmative action hires and the "advancement" of minority groups.

And this was supposed to be a post-racial society.

The "Purity" Myth

Jessica Valenti, who has written three books on modern feminism is promoting her new book The Purity Myth. She stopped by the Today Show this morning and it was a very, very sad display of feeding the message on the part of Kathy Lee and Lakita Garth (who wrote a book promoting abstinence).

You should really take a look at the video. Almost nothing Valenti said seemed to matter and although I don't always agree with her and haven't yet read her newest book, I think her point is valid here -- While sexuality is indeed important, it is not the most important thing about being a women and we should spend less time forcing our little girls to focus on their "purity" and more time promoting their personal qualities.

Just listen to some of the phrases said "girls who sleep around," and "prostitots." Scary language that could only in the most awkward way be applied to boys.

The Sigificance of Role Modeling

I've written about the Rihanna-Chris Brown incident before. And I'm not trying to water-down its sigificance by calling it an incident. But I don't care for convicting people, even in the court of public opinion, until they've been proven guilty. Like many people I'll be watching to see what the end result of the proceedings about this event will be.

A friend of mine brought this informal survey of Boston teenagers to my attention. The results are nothing less than terribly disturbing. Nearly half of teens between the ages of 12 and 19 believed that Rihanna was to blame for being beaten by her boyfriend. Let's ponder that for a moment. Nearly half.

I would be lying if I said I'm surprised. I'm not. And perhaps that is cynical, but just the conversations I've had with my own friends, who are adults, have disturbed me. Many of us seem to be making excuses for why Chris Brown would do something like this. I've heard excuses ranging from: "he's young," to "we all make mistakes."

Enough has been said about what Rihanna can do to be a good role model to young girls. I'm less concerned about that at the moment. I'm most concerned with what we adults can do to ensure the teens and children in our lives don't hold the opinion that there is something a woman can do that would make her responsible for the violence of another person.

We all have a responsibility to explain to them violence is never acceptable. We also have a responsibility to remind them if Rihanna decides to forgive Chris Brown that is her decision and it doesn't make her pathetic or stupid. Yes, Rihanna is a singer and a byproduct of that has made her a role model. But she isn't an expert and she doesn't always make the right choices.

Violence is never acceptable and we should all acknowledge this. It doesn't matter if it exists between boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife, father/mother and child. It is always wrong.

If anything can come out of this terrible event, I hope the public can engage in a real conversation about domestic violence. It's a topic that's worth more than a few Lifetime movies and Law and Order episodes.

Enough!

The American public has this really annoying way of demonstrating our "isms" after a major news event. We got a good taste of this last year when Hillary Clinton ran for president, last week when the NY Post published a cartoon depicting our president as a chimp and for the last several weeks since this Rihanna and Chris Brown drama went down. The Daily News published this article today and I've had enough.

OK. So we don't know all the details of went on between Chris Brown and Rihanna. All we know is he was arrested and she was treated in the hospital. Until we know more, we should really stop from speculating. But while we are speculating there's only so much that should be said. The Daily News article, which is mostly about Chris Brown going to anger management, has some really disgusting quotes from anonymous sources, including:

"It didn't help that Rihanna grabbed the keys out of his rented Lamborghini and threw them down the street. She knew it would really infuriate Chris, and it worked."

Really, so now throwing keys justifies violence? I get it. Chris Brown is young. He's talented. And I don't know that he's guilty. But rather than saying, "he didn't do it." The rhetoric seems to be, "he did it but it wasn't his fault." So whose fault is it then? Rihanna's? The mighty media?

I intentionally did not look at the pictures of Rihanna's injuries that TMZ posted because I thought it was terrible that they were even available. So I don't know how extensive her injuries were. But if he is indeed responsible for them he should be punished. If he is not, then whoever resorted to that kind of violence should be punished. But enough with the "it's OK to hit a woman when..." talk.

Another day, another jerk

I'm really, really curious to know what the thought process behind asking a woman for her phone number more than once is. As you can see from last night's post, I encountered this problem on the subway yesterday while I was trying to finish my reading for class AND listening music. Today, I had a similar experience when I ran to the corner store to buy some milk. Not only did some random man, who is at least 30 years older than me, start talking to me but he also followed me into the store and continued to harass me until a kindly, elderly woman told him to leave me alone.

Look, I won't lie, I'm highly stressed and very, very tired. The last few weeks have made me increasingly agitated and I have a very short fuse. But I really think there is something wrong with a society where men feel they can just talk to any woman they please even after she tells them she doesn't want to be spoken to. I am not saying all men do this, but there are some that do and correct me if I'm wrong, but this is not something commonly practiced by women.

In my life, I have never treated another person with so little respect. I don't have an issue with making small talk in the supermarket or saying hello to neighbors but I think following someone or continuing to bother them when they have already politely said no to your advances is clearly a form of sexual harassment. There's something about this behavior that implies, "no matter what you say I'm still going to try to get what I want." It is exceedingly frustrating.

I know a lot of women who intentionally try to avoid eye contact or simply ignore people who talk to them. While, I don't judge this behavior it is against my personal beliefs. If someone says hello, I say hello back. Simple as that. But it shouldn't be permission to follow me or talk to me like I'm an object rather than a person.