Tired of the talking heads

I'm exhausted. I really am. I'm experiencing disenfranchised-group-fatigue (DGF). I could hang in there with the best of them when Hillary Clinton was berated for having a vagina, when Sarah Palin's decision to run for high office was automatically made her a bad mother because she had a bunch of kids, when Barack Obama was called unAmerican because his middle name is Hussein and conservatives insisted he was a secret Muslim but really...I'm just over it. I'm so over it that during the last couple of days I've been unable to watch CNN or MSNBC since it's all Sotomayor bashing all the time.

OK...I get it. Perhaps people are uncomfortable because there are some nonwhites in high ranking places. I understand that there are a great many people who want to protect their "way of life," but doesn't it ever just get old?

I keep hearing people bring up the "wise Latina" comment as if it was poor judgment or a misuse of language. And I'm sick of hearing about "bias." As if minority groups are the only people in this country who hold biases.

So let me get this straight...For most of the history of this country, our laws were written by white men, most voters were white men, our presidents were all white men, most of the Supreme Court Justices were white men. During this history, who seems to have benefited the most from the laws of the land? Ummm...White men! Talk about biases. So why exactly should I entrust the destiny of this country into the hands of the very people who have historically oppressed every group but their own? Oh. That's right. Because they are the all mighty, wise, white men.

I don't have anything against white men. But I think that if we're going to talk about race or ethnicity "clouding" judgment all groups should get the same treatment. Could you imagine Chief Justice John Roberts ever answering questions about his whiteness the way Sotomayor has been asked about her Latinaness? It doesn't happen because we tend to think of whiteness as mainstream, something that is in while all else is out.

So for now, I'm avoiding television, because quite frankly, I've heard enough about affirmative action hires and the "advancement" of minority groups.

And this was supposed to be a post-racial society.

Stay classy, Bill O'Reilly

I really do try not to encounter Bill O'Reilly on a regular basis. I watched about 20 minutes of his show a week ago (please, don't ask why) and felt as if I had lost a couple of brain cells. But when the ladies of Jezebel posted this I was curious. I'm not even angered by what he says in this piece. I'm just insulted at the very choice of topic.

Basically, the clip speaks for itself. Three white people are sitting around and trying to analyze why black folks like Michael Jackson. Because apparently he wasn't black anymore because he chose to have white children. So I guess that Angelina Jolie and Madonna are officially not white anymore. And how about Meg Ryan? Did she reject whiteness because she adopted an Asian little girl? But I digress...

My biggest problem here is the very question: "Why do black people like Michael Jackson?" And I'll answer that question with another question: Why do we have to justify it to you or anyone else? Imagine if the folks at BET sat around and asked (without any white people in the room): Why do white people love [insert any famous person with a drug habit, criminal record or seedy past here]? The question would be absurd! Because no one would ever ask with the words "white people," they would simply ask: why do people love..." But because we're black our tastes, culture and allegiances have to be analyzed and processed for the masses.

The fatherless

Melissa Harris-Lacewell at the Nation recently blogged about President Obama and Black fatherhood. I found the piece interesting and provocative, but I found most of the comments left by readers to be disgusting.

As someone who grew up in a single-parent household, with a mother who worked long hours, I agree wholeheartedly with most of what she has to say about embracing and empowering "nontraditional" families.

The majority of black children in this country -- wealthy, middle class or poor -- will grow up in a female-headed household with a working mother. The lucky ones will have grandparents, aunts and uncles to support them. The unlucky ones will grow up in poverty and isolation.

There's been a lot of talk from Obama and other prominently black figures about black fatherhood and how important it is. I couldn't agree more. But, I think Harris-Lacewell's point is that while than promoting black fatherhood in the future we should think about the generations of children who are growing up without a father now. Not pity them or give them handouts, but understand them and stop marginalizing and demonizing their families. We need to support the grandparents who help raise these children and improve the schools where they spend most of their time.

Much like our president, I was raised in a supportive environment,where academic excellence and hard work were valued. Also much like the president, my parents were no longer together (although my father is still in my life). And even though it was lonely and often difficult for us, I grew up with better influences in my life than several of my friends who lived with both parents. As a child who grew up in the 1990s, I became used to people judging us based on our familial status. My home was supposedly broken because my father didn't live with us and my mother wasn't home to cook dinner for me. Still, I graduated from high school and even went on to receive honors at my college graduation.

All this was made possible because my mother was able to pay for a decent education and because from the time I was in the fifth grade my great-aunt was there when I got home from school every day. I was one of the lucky ones in many ways.

In this country, we punish children because of their life circumstances. We close doors, rather than open them. More fathers should step up to the plate, but let's ensure until that happens we're sending all children to decent schools and providing safe and healthy daycare opportunities where possible.

Race still matters

Over the course of the last three or four months I've had the opportunity to speak openly about race with my friends -- black, white and Latino. Race was always something my black friends and I spoke of openly, but my white friends always seemed to feel squeamish when the subject came up. I learned over the years this was likely a response to fear of being called racist, which I somewhat understand. But I've made a point to try to press my friends to speak about race at least conceptually since the election and I hope others are trying to do this as well.

What I have found is disappointing. Although some identify themselves as progressives or liberals, they hold the same conservative views about race that have been and perhaps will always be part of the master narrative. What I hear most often is "race doesn't matter," and "I was raised not to see color." But when pressed with more questions, these arguments tend to evaporate into debates about wherever discrimination exists and even occasionally if it really matters (i.e. "I know plenty of hard-working, successful black people").

The argument that discrimination has been diminished since the Civil Rights Movement won't get any dissent from me. I know it has. But it has not been eliminated. And what frustrates me is the commonly held position that because discrimination and racism are less tangible and visible than they were in the past that they do not exist or matter. Discrimination does persist and will continue to do so until we can speak openly about it without evoking the old "race card" rebuttal.

We have an obligation to each other to really engage in a conversation about race and racism, without reducing it to anecdotes and stereotypes. I plan to continue discussing it within my circle and I hope I'm not alone.

The Color of Beauty

A few of my friends have had to endure rants and ramblings about the intersection of race and perceptions of beauty and I'm sure they think I'm crazy. But every so often a study or report comes out about black girls and their perceptions of themselves and how society perceives them. I am always saddened by the results.

Nearly 70 years ago sociologists Mamie and Kenneth Clark did an experiment to determine how black children perceived themselves by using white and black dolls and asking them questions about which ones they thought were "nice" and which ones they'd rather play with. Those children are senior citizens now and grew up in an anti-black segregated society. Overwhelmingly, the children identified the white doll as the nice one and said they preferred to play with the white doll.

Every few years someone has tried to replicate this study but this week Good Morning America added a new question. They asked 19 black elementary students which doll was prettier. Nearly half of the girls identified the white doll as prettier, despite the fact that the dolls are identical except for color. The black boys said both dolls were pretty or said the black doll was prettiest.

I'm not really surprised by the results, just saddened. As a black female I am very aware of the mainstream perceptions of beauty and how they can be harmful to the self-esteem of black girls and women. Black women face all the same self-confidence issues that white women do but also face issues about skin shade and hair texture. Imagine this, the first time I went to purchase makeup in a pharmacy, the darkest shade of foundation was still too light for me. Also consider the images black girls and teenagers are bombarded with in magazines...White girls/women are always featured prominently and black girls/women are rarely featured at all and when they are featured on the cover of a women's magazine they are typically light in complexion with long relaxed hair and "European features."

While this experiment is not exactly empirical data, it is an indication that something is wrong with the ways black little girls see themselves. It is clear, the girls interviewed by Good Morning America associate whiteness with beauty. So I think it's important for us to ask why. And to have a dialogue about modern perceptions of beauty that is race-sensitive.