The fatherless

Melissa Harris-Lacewell at the Nation recently blogged about President Obama and Black fatherhood. I found the piece interesting and provocative, but I found most of the comments left by readers to be disgusting.

As someone who grew up in a single-parent household, with a mother who worked long hours, I agree wholeheartedly with most of what she has to say about embracing and empowering "nontraditional" families.

The majority of black children in this country -- wealthy, middle class or poor -- will grow up in a female-headed household with a working mother. The lucky ones will have grandparents, aunts and uncles to support them. The unlucky ones will grow up in poverty and isolation.

There's been a lot of talk from Obama and other prominently black figures about black fatherhood and how important it is. I couldn't agree more. But, I think Harris-Lacewell's point is that while than promoting black fatherhood in the future we should think about the generations of children who are growing up without a father now. Not pity them or give them handouts, but understand them and stop marginalizing and demonizing their families. We need to support the grandparents who help raise these children and improve the schools where they spend most of their time.

Much like our president, I was raised in a supportive environment,where academic excellence and hard work were valued. Also much like the president, my parents were no longer together (although my father is still in my life). And even though it was lonely and often difficult for us, I grew up with better influences in my life than several of my friends who lived with both parents. As a child who grew up in the 1990s, I became used to people judging us based on our familial status. My home was supposedly broken because my father didn't live with us and my mother wasn't home to cook dinner for me. Still, I graduated from high school and even went on to receive honors at my college graduation.

All this was made possible because my mother was able to pay for a decent education and because from the time I was in the fifth grade my great-aunt was there when I got home from school every day. I was one of the lucky ones in many ways.

In this country, we punish children because of their life circumstances. We close doors, rather than open them. More fathers should step up to the plate, but let's ensure until that happens we're sending all children to decent schools and providing safe and healthy daycare opportunities where possible.