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I spill a lot of ink about body image and some people think I'm a little obsessed with it. I'll be the first to admit that I am. Which is exactly why I was both touched and disturbed by this article in WaPo a friend of mine tweeted about today. For anyone who has known someone struggling with an eating disorder this is particularly difficult to read. But Sarah's story worth telling. Not simply because eating disorders need more attention, but because in many ways it's all a matter of degrees.
I've never suffered from an eating disorder, but I came scarily close when I was 13 years old. I ate nothing but crackers for three weeks and lost a total of 15 pounds. And I remember feeling like a failure afterward, thinking I could have lost more and feeling overwhelmed by the disappointment of still being fat. My friends intervened (I've fallen out or lost touch with most of them since, but they will always hold a special place in my heart) and I was back on track in a matter of months.
Since then I've had my ups and down and tried every diet under the sun. I eventually trimmed down with the help of Weight Watchers, slow and steady - the way it's supposed to be done. In 2007, I lost a lot of weight, nearly 30 percent of my starting weight. Then in 2008, I gained 10 pounds and went through yet another period of feeling inadequate in every way. I'm not proud of the amount of time I've spent counting calories and looking in the mirror, wishing I was 10 or 20 pounds lighter, but it is a part of me in a way I cannot put into words.
I'm smart, funny and loyal, but I would have never used any of those words to describe myself. I would have used one word: fat. The word that followed me my whole life and dominated everything I did. And although I could never pretend to know what Sarah went through or what her family is going through now, I know that's easy for young women to reduce their entire self worth to a single attribute: their weight.
Eating disorders are not simply exaggerated body image issues -- there are many factors contributing to this serious mental illness, but I firmly believe they could not exist without our obsession with perfection.
We are constantly bombarded with images of fat and thin, right and wrong. And it is nearly impossible to ignore them.
There are few things more important in life than taking care of oneself and being healthy, but we are so much more than what we see in the mirror -- no matter how large or small.
Jessica Valenti, who has written three books on modern feminism is promoting her new book The Purity Myth. She stopped by the Today Show this morning and it was a very, very sad display of feeding the message on the part of Kathy Lee and Lakita Garth (who wrote a book promoting abstinence).
You should really take a look at the video. Almost nothing Valenti said seemed to matter and although I don't always agree with her and haven't yet read her newest book, I think her point is valid here -- While sexuality is indeed important, it is not the most important thing about being a women and we should spend less time forcing our little girls to focus on their "purity" and more time promoting their personal qualities.
Just listen to some of the phrases said "girls who sleep around," and "prostitots." Scary language that could only in the most awkward way be applied to boys.
I know...I know. I haven't updated in weeks. I didn't forget about my faithful readers (all ten of you). I've just been incredibly overwhelmed with school. The semester is almost over, which means that I will probably freak out within the next two weeks and have a total breakdown...If you want to see some real comedy, bring a video camera to said breakdown...It'll surely be a viral video on YouTube.
There isn't much to report on a personal level. I have no social life and haven't ventured outdoors in what seems like forever (other than to go to school or work). In the meantime, see my post below.
I have been doing a lot of writing lately. But I'm not ready to share it with the world. So maybe if you ask nicely I'll send you an excerpt.
I promise to return to the real world again soon.
Until then be well and pray for good weather.
Over the course of the last three or four months I've had the opportunity to speak openly about race with my friends -- black, white and Latino. Race was always something my black friends and I spoke of openly, but my white friends always seemed to feel squeamish when the subject came up. I learned over the years this was likely a response to fear of being called racist, which I somewhat understand. But I've made a point to try to press my friends to speak about race at least conceptually since the election and I hope others are trying to do this as well.
What I have found is disappointing. Although some identify themselves as progressives or liberals, they hold the same conservative views about race that have been and perhaps will always be part of the master narrative. What I hear most often is "race doesn't matter," and "I was raised not to see color." But when pressed with more questions, these arguments tend to evaporate into debates about wherever discrimination exists and even occasionally if it really matters (i.e. "I know plenty of hard-working, successful black people").
The argument that discrimination has been diminished since the Civil Rights Movement won't get any dissent from me. I know it has. But it has not been eliminated. And what frustrates me is the commonly held position that because discrimination and racism are less tangible and visible than they were in the past that they do not exist or matter. Discrimination does persist and will continue to do so until we can speak openly about it without evoking the old "race card" rebuttal.
We have an obligation to each other to really engage in a conversation about race and racism, without reducing it to anecdotes and stereotypes. I plan to continue discussing it within my circle and I hope I'm not alone.
A few of my friends have had to endure rants and ramblings about the intersection of race and perceptions of beauty and I'm sure they think I'm crazy. But every so often a study or report comes out about black girls and their perceptions of themselves and how society perceives them. I am always saddened by the results.
Nearly 70 years ago sociologists Mamie and Kenneth Clark did an experiment to determine how black children perceived themselves by using white and black dolls and asking them questions about which ones they thought were "nice" and which ones they'd rather play with. Those children are senior citizens now and grew up in an anti-black segregated society. Overwhelmingly, the children identified the white doll as the nice one and said they preferred to play with the white doll.
Every few years someone has tried to replicate this study but this week Good Morning America added a new question. They asked 19 black elementary students which doll was prettier. Nearly half of the girls identified the white doll as prettier, despite the fact that the dolls are identical except for color. The black boys said both dolls were pretty or said the black doll was prettiest.
I'm not really surprised by the results, just saddened. As a black female I am very aware of the mainstream perceptions of beauty and how they can be harmful to the self-esteem of black girls and women. Black women face all the same self-confidence issues that white women do but also face issues about skin shade and hair texture. Imagine this, the first time I went to purchase makeup in a pharmacy, the darkest shade of foundation was still too light for me. Also consider the images black girls and teenagers are bombarded with in magazines...White girls/women are always featured prominently and black girls/women are rarely featured at all and when they are featured on the cover of a women's magazine they are typically light in complexion with long relaxed hair and "European features."
While this experiment is not exactly empirical data, it is an indication that something is wrong with the ways black little girls see themselves. It is clear, the girls interviewed by Good Morning America associate whiteness with beauty. So I think it's important for us to ask why. And to have a dialogue about modern perceptions of beauty that is race-sensitive.
Print is dying a slow, cruel death. I'm quite upset about it, but I understand why. Newspapers, magazines and even broadcast news (which is still doing relatively well), have seriously failed at advancing public debate.
There was a time, believe it or not, that newspapers informed public opinion, reported on local, national and international happenings and also were...dare I type it...Interesting. The writing was better, the editing was better and reporters were less likely to be disgruntled-types working for the man and more likely to innovative.
I've been thinking a lot about how I get my news and whether or not I've contributed to the problem and I'm sorry to admit that I have. And this is why, I don't have time to read the New York Times daily and it takes me a week to get through the Sunday Times. Instead, I scan the headlines of several newspapers every day (NYTimes, WaPo, Newsday and the Daily News). I get most of my national news from CNN.com, Politico and local news from neighborhood blogs.
While, I hate the idea of losing the elite newspapers like the Times, WaPo and other broadsheets, I think it's time they make changes to reflect American life and modern attitudes.
And aren't these papers and their management teams largely to blame for their own demise? We just survived (although the jury is still out on whether or not we'll recover) one of the least transparent and borderline corrupt presidential administrations in recent history and yet, I don't recall seeing many enterprising pieces in the Times or the other elite papers about the effects of the administration. Everyone loves writing about expert opinions and speculating, but there are so few stories in the news about what happens when policies are implemented. It's called spin for a reason. And the Bush administration out-witted the press by spinning nearly everything and the Obama adminstration will likely do the same. It's the nature of politics and has sadly become the nature of journalism.
When I decided to become a journalist at age 15, I thought I would be writing about topics like race, poverty, gender, education and public policy. I didn't realize I would be spending time writing stories that satisfied readers, rather than provoked them. And most of the reporters and editors I know want to do just this. They want to write thought-provoking pieces that inform, excite, anger and engage the masses, but instead we have been reduced to ambulance chasers. Newspapers do very little to inspire or enrage and a lot to feed the existing narratives.
I'm sad to see newspapers go and I'd like to see them survive, but I don't think that will happen without some serious reflection on why so many are failing.
Ann Bauer of Salon.com wrote this piece about her autistic son Andrew.
The part that resonated most with me is this line: "I am not alone."
I've been thinking about public policy options that would help families with autistic children more. If any of you have ever seen mental illness or intellectual disabilities up-close, you know there is so little help out there. Doctors hardly understand it. But families have to cope with it.
My heart goes out to Ann and her family.
