Tired of the talking heads

I'm exhausted. I really am. I'm experiencing disenfranchised-group-fatigue (DGF). I could hang in there with the best of them when Hillary Clinton was berated for having a vagina, when Sarah Palin's decision to run for high office was automatically made her a bad mother because she had a bunch of kids, when Barack Obama was called unAmerican because his middle name is Hussein and conservatives insisted he was a secret Muslim but really...I'm just over it. I'm so over it that during the last couple of days I've been unable to watch CNN or MSNBC since it's all Sotomayor bashing all the time.

OK...I get it. Perhaps people are uncomfortable because there are some nonwhites in high ranking places. I understand that there are a great many people who want to protect their "way of life," but doesn't it ever just get old?

I keep hearing people bring up the "wise Latina" comment as if it was poor judgment or a misuse of language. And I'm sick of hearing about "bias." As if minority groups are the only people in this country who hold biases.

So let me get this straight...For most of the history of this country, our laws were written by white men, most voters were white men, our presidents were all white men, most of the Supreme Court Justices were white men. During this history, who seems to have benefited the most from the laws of the land? Ummm...White men! Talk about biases. So why exactly should I entrust the destiny of this country into the hands of the very people who have historically oppressed every group but their own? Oh. That's right. Because they are the all mighty, wise, white men.

I don't have anything against white men. But I think that if we're going to talk about race or ethnicity "clouding" judgment all groups should get the same treatment. Could you imagine Chief Justice John Roberts ever answering questions about his whiteness the way Sotomayor has been asked about her Latinaness? It doesn't happen because we tend to think of whiteness as mainstream, something that is in while all else is out.

So for now, I'm avoiding television, because quite frankly, I've heard enough about affirmative action hires and the "advancement" of minority groups.

And this was supposed to be a post-racial society.

Stay classy, Bill O'Reilly

I really do try not to encounter Bill O'Reilly on a regular basis. I watched about 20 minutes of his show a week ago (please, don't ask why) and felt as if I had lost a couple of brain cells. But when the ladies of Jezebel posted this I was curious. I'm not even angered by what he says in this piece. I'm just insulted at the very choice of topic.

Basically, the clip speaks for itself. Three white people are sitting around and trying to analyze why black folks like Michael Jackson. Because apparently he wasn't black anymore because he chose to have white children. So I guess that Angelina Jolie and Madonna are officially not white anymore. And how about Meg Ryan? Did she reject whiteness because she adopted an Asian little girl? But I digress...

My biggest problem here is the very question: "Why do black people like Michael Jackson?" And I'll answer that question with another question: Why do we have to justify it to you or anyone else? Imagine if the folks at BET sat around and asked (without any white people in the room): Why do white people love [insert any famous person with a drug habit, criminal record or seedy past here]? The question would be absurd! Because no one would ever ask with the words "white people," they would simply ask: why do people love..." But because we're black our tastes, culture and allegiances have to be analyzed and processed for the masses.

A change is gonna come (to this blog)

I should apologize for being inconsistent. It's been hard for me to keep up and part of the reason is because I never really had a theme for the blog. It was supposed to be a hybrid of a personal blog with a number of general rants about politics, the 'isms and current events.

Over the last few weeks, I have struggled with posting updates on my life and writing about current events. And I decided, once and for all, this is no longer a personal blog. It's been many weeks since I've posted anything about my life and quite frankly, I don't have much to say that I can share on the Internets.

Because I promote this blog on Twitter and Facebook,I can no longer simply update my friends on what's going on in my life. All that said, I'm glad my audience has been extended beyond my small circle and I'm proud of the feedback (positive and negative) I've received from friends and family and from complete strangers.

Although there isn't much activity in the comments sections (several people have complained about the inability to post anonymous comments...Sorry, not changing that rule), I get lots of feedback via email and Twitter. I'd love to have more. Let me know if you have an idea for a post, a complaint or just want to argue a point.

I hope you'll all continue reading and I appreciate the support.

The fatherless

Melissa Harris-Lacewell at the Nation recently blogged about President Obama and Black fatherhood. I found the piece interesting and provocative, but I found most of the comments left by readers to be disgusting.

As someone who grew up in a single-parent household, with a mother who worked long hours, I agree wholeheartedly with most of what she has to say about embracing and empowering "nontraditional" families.

The majority of black children in this country -- wealthy, middle class or poor -- will grow up in a female-headed household with a working mother. The lucky ones will have grandparents, aunts and uncles to support them. The unlucky ones will grow up in poverty and isolation.

There's been a lot of talk from Obama and other prominently black figures about black fatherhood and how important it is. I couldn't agree more. But, I think Harris-Lacewell's point is that while than promoting black fatherhood in the future we should think about the generations of children who are growing up without a father now. Not pity them or give them handouts, but understand them and stop marginalizing and demonizing their families. We need to support the grandparents who help raise these children and improve the schools where they spend most of their time.

Much like our president, I was raised in a supportive environment,where academic excellence and hard work were valued. Also much like the president, my parents were no longer together (although my father is still in my life). And even though it was lonely and often difficult for us, I grew up with better influences in my life than several of my friends who lived with both parents. As a child who grew up in the 1990s, I became used to people judging us based on our familial status. My home was supposedly broken because my father didn't live with us and my mother wasn't home to cook dinner for me. Still, I graduated from high school and even went on to receive honors at my college graduation.

All this was made possible because my mother was able to pay for a decent education and because from the time I was in the fifth grade my great-aunt was there when I got home from school every day. I was one of the lucky ones in many ways.

In this country, we punish children because of their life circumstances. We close doors, rather than open them. More fathers should step up to the plate, but let's ensure until that happens we're sending all children to decent schools and providing safe and healthy daycare opportunities where possible.

Faith, not religion, defines us

When I was in college, I was constantly defending my faith. I encountered many, many people who could not respect that I am a Christian and I think I should thank some of them. In defending Christianity, I learned more about faith than any bible study class could have taught me.

I have strong opinions about both religion and democracy and do not see why there are many who think they are incompatible. Over the past few years, there have been two opposing views about this topic. One says, our government should be run entirely separate from religious interference. The other says our government was founded on Christian principles and should continue to operate under them. I'm somewhere in the middle. I don't believe we should force Christianity on anyone, but I also am not opposed to those who would freely talk about their faith when confronted with moral or ethical issues. America is big enough to allow for religion in our dialogues.

People have made a lot of assumptions about me in past when they've heard me say I'm Christian and even more when I've said I've been attending Catholic parishes for the last 15 years. I've been accused of being homophobic, anti-woman and close-minded. I am none of those things. In my own struggles away from and then back toward God, I have made up my mind about who he is and what he wants. It is not Catholicism that defines my worldview, but rather my faith in a tolerate and benevolent God that does. I've never been a church where hate was preached. I've never heard anything but words of love and peace from a priest or pastor. I've never been to a Mass that did anything but celebrate Jesus' message and good works.

I know there are others out there who would use religion to divide us. There are those who are obsessed with what they believe is right and wrong. I respect their faith, but I cannot celebrate it. Acceptance and tolerance is all I've encountered from the church. Faith is what sustains me in good times and bad and it gave me the basis to be open-minded and progressive.

The written word: The gift that keeps on giving...

Every couple of years my friends ask me to write a book list. I'll admit it. I'm a book junkie. Literature is my crack. So here are my suggestions from books I've read in the last twelve months, some are old, others are new, all are excellent:

Nonfiction:

1. Amazing Grace by Jonathan Kozol -- Sad, true and still very relevant even though it was written in the 1990s.
   
2. The Working Poor by David Shipler -- Takes a moderate view on the causes of poverty and the plight of the poor.
3. Lest Innocent Blood Be Shed by Philip Hallie -- A very powerful story about how a few people saved thousands of lives during WWII. Hallie was a professor of ethics and has a very interesting perspective on good v. evil
4. The End of Poverty by Jeffrey Sachs -- Even if you don't have a background in economics this book is a good read. Sachs clearly lays out the reasons for poverty in the developing world, uses real examples to explain this underlying theory and rather than pointing fingers, he really embraces global poverty as a problem that can be solved.
   

Fiction:

1. The Book of Night Women by Marlon James -- This novel is powerful, poetic and a page-turner like I haven't read in ages. Simply put: I loved it. It's written in patois, so if you don't care for dialects it may not be for you.
2. The Hour I First Believed by Wally Lamb -- Lamb has a disturbingly good grasp of how people unravel after tragedy and try to put the pieces back together. Not his best work, but very, very good.
3. Brown Girl, Brownstones by Paula Marshall -- This coming of age story set in Brooklyn during the depression and World War I era is beautifully written and compelling story about the plight of immigrants then and now.
4. A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini -- Hosseini has written two books and both are beautiful narratives, but I truly loved this book. You get two compelling heroines for the price of one and a sad story intertwined with the disturbing past and present of Afghanistan.
5. Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides -- There's something a little mysterious about this story. It is a family history that overlaps with the history of Detroit, America's most neglected city.
   

Honorable Mention (good but not great):

1. American Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld
2. All This and Heaven Too by Rachel Field
3. Someone Knows My Name by Lawrence Hill

Currently reading: The House at Riverton

Weighty matters

I spill a lot of ink about body image and some people think I'm a little obsessed with it. I'll be the first to admit that I am. Which is exactly why I was both touched and disturbed by this article in WaPo a friend of mine tweeted about today. For anyone who has known someone struggling with an eating disorder this is particularly difficult to read. But Sarah's story worth telling. Not simply because eating disorders need more attention, but because in many ways it's all a matter of degrees.

I've never suffered from an eating disorder, but I came scarily close when I was 13 years old. I ate nothing but crackers for three weeks and lost a total of 15 pounds. And I remember feeling like a failure afterward, thinking I could have lost more and feeling overwhelmed by the disappointment of still being fat. My friends intervened (I've fallen out or lost touch with most of them since, but they will always hold a special place in my heart) and I was back on track in a matter of months.

Since then I've had my ups and down and tried every diet under the sun. I eventually trimmed down with the help of Weight Watchers, slow and steady - the way it's supposed to be done. In 2007, I lost a lot of weight, nearly 30 percent of my starting weight. Then in 2008, I gained 10 pounds and went through yet another period of feeling inadequate in every way. I'm not proud of the amount of time I've spent counting calories and looking in the mirror, wishing I was 10 or 20 pounds lighter, but it is a part of me in a way I cannot put into words.

I'm smart, funny and loyal, but I would have never used any of those words to describe myself. I would have used one word: fat. The word that followed me my whole life and dominated everything I did. And although I could never pretend to know what Sarah went through or what her family is going through now, I know that's easy for young women to reduce their entire self worth to a single attribute: their weight.

Eating disorders are not simply exaggerated body image issues -- there are many factors contributing to this serious mental illness, but I firmly believe they could not exist without our obsession with perfection.

We are constantly bombarded with images of fat and thin, right and wrong. And it is nearly impossible to ignore them.

There are few things more important in life than taking care of oneself and being healthy, but we are so much more than what we see in the mirror -- no matter how large or small.